When choosing an apartment we are taught to scan the area for general cleanliness, proximity to grocers, hospital, schools, good restaurants, work etc. Our apartment in Copenhagen meets all of the above criteria but no one ever told us to do an effing noise check on effing neighbours.
The roof above my head is also floor to the world’s NOISIEST SEXER. Palang todh- bed breaking sex as we call it in Hindi is what he indulges in. Not in a nice way either, it sounds like he will literally break his bed and break through the floor. And by bed-breaking I don’t mean creak! creak ! creak! I mean hard core thump! thump! THUMP! Hump!
I cringe and wonder if the other neighbours think it is us, we are after all the only newly married, potential loud sexing couple in this building. I am scared to copulate in holy matrimony with my husband, afraid that our neighbours can hear us too. I am prude like that. So we spend our weekend nights listening to furniture breaking, floor cracking sex going on upstairs (He gets visitors only on weekends)
And boy! that guy has some stamina. He goes on humping for HOURS. It sounds awful… a never ending orchestra of horizontal meeting horizontal. But for such a noisy sexer he is also awfully quiet. We can hear the girl’s moan but not a pip does this guy squeak. We spend an hour crossing our fingers waiting to hear the man’s primal sounds of pleasure. It signals that that our weekly torture is over and we can finally sleep. That guy upstairs is selfish like that. Man happy = sex over.
Yes, I am a newly married woman and I spend my nights waiting for another man to come.
I plan to visit him for a little neighbourly talk and bring him a book on Kamasutra. He really needs to get some action that involves more than just horizontal thumping. If he is very good looking, I will give him the book and ask if I can watch.
hahahhaha i love the pictorial of the woman in pink pyjamas with face cream on! Now i will be associating you with that image.
ug.
One of the reasons I am very glad I am out of apartment life (there but for the Grace of God go I).
At least you are laughing about it.
Babs you are laughing about it, not me..sigh! I am just throwing in some humour to keep myself from shaking my fist at his window.
Please take pics also.With all that stamina,he does deserve a certain degree of fame.Have you tried prodding your ceiling, with a iron rod right below his celestial bed every time he starts nocturnal orchestra?
Maybe there is no guy. Just two girls?
That would explain the lack of “primal sounds of pleasure” (from a man that is)
ugh.. just had some interesting pics in my head..
Hey stranger
There is a man..he makes sounds only at the end of one hour and then all the noises of moving furniture stops.
Hi June… You need to transcribe all your Danish trials, tribulations & jubilation into a novel. I’m sure it would sell out before it was even published! Your bold pun was hilarious, btw.
Hey Rachel, it takes a lot of effort to squeeze out a blogpost so a book is a no go for me. But thanks
Maybe they are just loud interior decorators who like rearranging furniture every weekend
While moaning and groaning and saying “Jeg Kommer” I think not
If they are interior decorators, then I must say they are very ‘passionate’ about their job.
How about a neighbour-exchange programme? Your noisy sex neighbour for my neighbour who insists on playing his out of tune saxophone every evening for 3 hours?
Swap sex for the sax? Give me time to think it over
That’s hilarious. You really should pay him a visit soon, like this weekend!
Ooh, why does this post scream Passive Aggressive Note? You just haaaaaaaave to print this beauty out and post it near the mail boxes.
Heidi good Idea! Next time he does it again I should write on the common notice board congratulating him on a good night, his stamina and endurance. Wanna translate it in Danish for me? I dont think my husband will cooperate in my anti social activities.
Ooh, moi? Nah, they’d figure out it was the invandrer right away!
Thank goodness we live on the top floor lol
If you want to put up a note, here you go (cannot guarantee spelling and grammar are 100% correct)
Kære nabo
Jeg vil gerne lykønske Dem med Deres naturligvis fornøjelig aften og din udholdenhed.
Ser frem til at høre mange flere. . .
Dine naboer
Dear Neighbor
I wish to congratulate you on your obviously enjoyable night and your stamina.
Looking forward to hearing many more . . .
Your Neighbors
Lol! Thank you….I think I will try the slip it into the letter box on the door approach.
Ha ha! Oh yes, drop it through his letter box!
this is a good one. maybe you guys shud give them some competition.
Cheee!Chee! you ashashaleel (?) nari.
ashleel !!!!
hit the ceiling with a pole….that’s what we do in India
…..at least long time ago 
……………. I want to watch too……any chance of a recording if you DO get to watch 
: D 
.
Eww..Make that room sound-proof already! Haha! Cant impose sex etiquette to him or to every random girl he brings i guess. Happy weekend!
Gawd, I laughed so much I thought I might. y’know…!!!
Bejeezuz girl,dunno whose stamina I admire more – yours to tolerate or his to perform…
She listens like spring….
I’d say take the challenge.
When the neighbours put loud music, I put mine louder still, when they smoked good food, I cooked more (quantity not quality)…
It’s all in the eye for an eye and the world will be having louder sex expression.
I have had the police called before. Not on me, but on the people downstairs.
Story goes like this: One night I’m drunk and crash at a friends. No hanky-panky, just a place to sleep. The tenant downstairs has her boyfriend over. And she is not afraid to let the world know how good he is at sex. Screaming from dusk til dawn.
Well almost, because someone CALLS the police to tell them that there is a woman being BEATEN, and it is coming from my friend’s apartment! Suddenly I am outside, still drunk, trying to explain to Japanese police officers through a police interpreter on the phone that no one is being beaten, least of all me, and that it’s rather exuberant sex downstairs. Very embarrassed policemen eventually excuse themselves and shuffle away.
Talk about awkward.
hah! i agree with priyanka. let that guy know he’s not the only one living there. (;
LOLLOLLO-you are too hilarious!
My colleagues at work must be convinced I’m mad…LOL!
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